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How to Have a Secular Wedding When Your Family Is Religious

Darren and Lilly of Ohio are going the same route, choosing to marry at city hall with only a few witnesses present and then having a reception the day after. This way, they will have a ceremony that feels true and meaningful to them without offending their families. Stacy of Texas experienced a lot of pressure from various sides of her family regarding which church and which pastor she and her husband would select for their wedding ceremony. In order to defuse the tension, they chose to marry in a beautiful theater. Erica Greenwold Reisen of Folie à Deux Events in North Carolina runs the site Secularly Wed , and she recommends, “Choose a ceremony venue that is not a church but has a deep meaning to you and your partner. This way, when a relative presses you to explain the choice, you can tell a moving story about how important it is for you to be married at this location.” In other words, if you are making choices that your religious family members won’t understand, be sure to have a meaningful explanation for your choices rather than just dissing theirs. Along the same lines, Greenwold Reisen points out that it can seem flippant to your family members if you select a friend to officiate . She recommends hiring an experienced officiant who “can help you create a ceremony that reflects your views and beliefs while also incorporating traditional elements to keep your parents and grandparents happy.” Personally, I asked an older cousin of mine to officiate; she is very involved in her church but was comfortable leading a secular ceremony. This kept the family intimately involved in the ceremony without forfeiting our belief system. 4.

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